Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Attack of the Former Frat Guys

One recent night at Babe's, it seemed that I was consistently sitting down with Sirs who were complete and total douchetanks. Now, before I elaborate, let me explain:

As an entertainer, I realize that it is my job to do just that: entertain my Sirs (and Ladies). Therefore I'm generally game for any subject of conversation, including, but not limited to, sports, geography, the weather, favorite kinds of alcohol, your penis, my vagina, etc. On this particular night, I will admit, I did not arrive at the club in the greatest of moods, due to an unfortunate incident involving my hotel, the police, and me wearing nothing but a thong (but that's ANOTHER story), but I did my best to leave that baggage in the dressing room, along with my sweatpants, scrunchies, and other things a stripper has no business taking out onto the floor. In this respect, I was aided by several shots of Jager, and I feel that my disposition was rendered sufficiently positive.

Furthermore, I do not throw around the term "douchetank" lightly when it comes to Sirs, and I am lucky to work in a club where the same seems to be the prevailing attitude. Despite some stripper stereotypes, the majority of the other Babes are primarily fun and happy people (at least for the purposes of the job), and most nights are light on drama. You know, for a strip club anyway. So I am not easily piqued by simple lack of strip club ettiquette... by hesitance to tip or refusal to buy dances, even when these things are accompanied by a penchant for making lewd remarks. If you're not spending $, I may not spend a lot of time hanging out with you, but as long as you're having fun and not causing too much of a scene, you're ok in my book.

That's all a rather lot of exposition just for a couple of douchey customers, but given this is my first entry here, I figured I may as well explain a little bit about my methodology in the trade.

Asshat #1 [A1] arrives at club
Stripper Mentality [SM]: Hey baby, how are you doing tonight?
[A1]: I'm doing alright. How are you?
[SM]: I'm having a great time! What's your name?
[A1]: Asshat #1.
[SM]: I'm Arlene, it's nice to meet you.
[A1]: Pssssh, yeah right. Don't even bother. Strippers always lie about their names and everything else, trying to trick people. blah blah blah.
[SM]: Right... So I've gotta go get ready for my stage set now, but I hope you have a nice time.

Wait, what? You come into MY place of work and immediately insult a tenet my JOB? I apologize, Sir, but I have no interest in spending any more time with you, regardless of how much money you may think you have or how important you may think you are. No one is trying to lie to you by giving you an assumed name. On the contrary, in addition to our names, we also assume that you are, in fact, intelligent enough to realize that it's AN EFFING STAGE NAME. Especially when half of us are named after flowers, cars, and alcohol! You, Sir, are a fool. Moving on.

[SM]: I'm Arlene, it's nice to meet you.
Asshat #2 [A2]: It's nice to meet you, Arlene. Are you in school?
[SM]: No, I actually graduated about a year ago. My degree's in communications, which covers PR, marketing, and journalism.
[A2]: So why are you doing this?
[SM]: Well, I spent about eight months looking for a "real" job and couldn't find anything remotely promising, so I decided to just take some time to have fun and experience life while, hopefully, the job market gets itself back in repair.
[A2]: Uh, yeah right. I don't believe you. You're going to do this forever.
[SM]: Right... Well. Actually, I one day hope to reach my goal of becoming a prostitute with a heroin addiction. But we'll see.
[A2]: (watching impressive pole trick on stage) Can you do that?
[SM]: No, not quite yet. I've only been dancing for about three weeks now, so I'm still in the learning stage.
[A2]: Ugh, your stock is quickly dropping.
[SM]: Huh? Did you expect me to lie?
[A2]: You must not want to make any money.
[SM]: Right... If you'll excuse me, I must go use the ladies room. Nice to meet you though.

WHAT. I can't even explain how large of a trainwreck that conversation was. I can totally accept the fact that a Sir might be surprised to learn that I've finished college. While I'm by no means the only college educated dancer, it's not usually expected by our clientele. So I could really even accept that part of the conversation and attempted to have fun with him by making the sarcastic comment about prostitution (which I am pretty sure he did not get). But then... MUST everything that comes out of your mouth be antagonistic? If you, indeed, came to the strip club to argue, you most certainly will not be arguing with me for long.

There were a few more guys that night who conducting themselves along the same cocky, arrogant, and adversarial lines, but I'll spare you the examples. (I certainly wish I had been spared.) At the end of the night, I was really at a loss for why I'd encountered so many guys of that type.

It wasn't until the next day I realized many of them had mentioned attending the Dave Matthews Band concert. So... former frat guys? Lacrosse and baseball players? I don't know, but I hope they do not return soon. I'd prefer a handsy older man with a thigh-hi fetish any day of the week.

3 comments:

  1. thank you for posting the truth about dancers. i get frustrated when people give the wrong impression. some girls glorify the job and themselves and thats ok. at my bar they have taken it to a sickning level. they have lost themselves in this make believe world. you can be whatever you want to be under the black lights but at the end of the day you are simply a stripper. the job is what it is i never lose site of that fact. good luck girl! "make that money, dont let it make you".

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Arlene, thank you so much. I am a late 40's aged guy with some money to spare and I love going to strip clubs. I understand the situation and I respect every girl I've ever hanged with. I love talking to them on an equal footing and finding out a little about them. I am never inappropriate and very much enjoy the whole experience. Such was last week where I dropped $900 on a beautiful lady of about 35 years old with an incredibly sexy attitude. There was no inappropriate sex or anything like that ... just some great lap dances. She gave me the gift of time travel. It happened four days ago and I still feel like a horny teenager. She awakened feeling in me that I have not felt in years and this is having a positive impact on my marriage. Stripper are great people and just like any group of people, there can be some who spoil it for the rest. I love you guys and keep up the good work you do!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. There is shocking news in the sports betting industry.

    It has been said that every bettor must watch this,

    Watch this now or quit betting on sports...

    Sports Cash System - SPORTS BETTING ROBOT

    ReplyDelete